Believing strongly that attachment theory provides the deepest understanding of love and relationships, I achieved certification in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples*, which emphasizes the most therapeutic and effective aspects of being:
Non-Blaming: in sessions, we focus on how each person reacts to cues from the other and how this interaction can get hi-jacked by past events, misinterpretations, assumptions, and defense mechanisms; no one person is ever to blame.
Non-Shaming: we also strive to deeply understand and validate the emotional drivers of peoples’ behaviors holding firmly to the belief that we are all trying our best to deal with really difficult situations and feelings.
Client-Centered: we move at the pace in which each partner is willing and able; there are little to no prescriptive rules, agenda, skills, or dialogs.
Personal & Interpersonal: the process helps each person understand her or his own personal relationship pattern and how that interacts with others’.
Experiential: EFT uses exploration of the hardest moments we face with our loved ones to then encourage expressions of our deepest longings, worries, and needs.
About Real Change: EFT aims to create change at the core level of our beliefs about ourselves and others making intimacy safer, freer, and more open to the deep connections we all crave.
Courageous: the aim is to grow the strength of your bond so that it can handle whatever life throws your way by dealing openly with all that is there now.
Rounding out my knowledge about what can get in the way of truly loving connections, I have training and experience in the following:
Using Imago dialog and other interpersonal skills
Anxiety disorders that affect couples such as hoarding and trauma
Verbal abuse and anger
Reviving intimacy in low/no sex relationships
Recovering from infidelity (emotional and/or physical affairs)
Conflict resolution (certification as a General Civil Mediator)
*”Couples” counseling is intended to include marital and premarital counseling as well as LGBTQ, kink, and polyamorous relationship counseling. For more information, please check out these articles: FAQs of Couples Counseling, Adult Attachment 101, and Attachment and EFT.
As a firm believer that our troubling emotional states are a product of our relationships and vice versa, I extend my relational focus into the work I do with individuals, which includes:
Treating anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns that keep one boxed in and feeling lonely;
Creating a framework for awareness and understanding of troubling emotions and how they impact our abilities to relate;
Providing reliable and consistent support for those that are ready to face the hard challenges that come with change;
Using unconditional regard for clients to foster a more affirming belief about self, and
Helping people learn to be effective in their relationships at home, in their community, and at work;
Conflict Resolution & General Mediation
Conflict has been given a bad rap. Conflict is a natural and necessary part of life and as such deserves to be handled well and with care. We need conflict because:
It provides an opportunity for us to ask for what we need, thereby practicing belief in our own value and worth;
It lets us know that another person is engaged (not aloof);
It helps us learn what is really important;
It provides an opportunity to care for self and others in equal measure;
It helps us gain insight into others’ points of view;
It allows us to go beneath superficial niceties and relate as true, authentic beings;
It strengthens our bonds.
Through facilitated dialog, I help adult family members, friends, co-workers, and business partners open up to the process of conflict resolution in a way that leaves both parties feeling satisfied enough that there is no lingering resentment and instead, a secure feeling that the two parties can work through hard times and come back together stronger.
Alternatively, as a Certified General Mediator, I provide a directed method to help two parties reach an agreement. This process is drastically different than facilitated dialog, interpersonal processing, or couples counseling. This process is highly structured and used to reach a mutually accepted agreement on a specific set of issues.